How to Talk to Picky Eaters at Mealtimes
We all want to enjoy mealtimes together. But, sometimes it’s a challenge to relax with picky eaters at the table. It’s even harder when we want to encourage kids to taste new foods. So what should we say to kids without pressuring them? In this post, we will cover helpful phrases to say while preparing and enjoying meals together.
But before we dive into exactly what to say, consider the BIG picture. Instead of focusing on what kids are eating, foster a relaxed environment. Meals are an opportunity to not only provide nutrition, but to connect and spend time together. Keeping this top of mind is helpful to keep picky eaters at ease.
How to talk about food
If you talk about the meal, do it in a natural and relaxed way. For example, "I really love when Dad makes the green beans. I think his green beans are the best! What do you think?" can fit in between "How did the spelling test go?" and "I have a new project at work that I'm excited about. What was something new you worked on in school this week?"
When you’re excited about the meal
You can share your own excitement about a food, but don't push it. "I've been looking forward to these sauteed mushrooms all day because they go great with steak. What do you like to put with your steak?" Your enthusiasm can be contagious—just don't assume that it will be. "This is my favorite kind of salad; would you like to try a bite? It has cucumbers and I know how much you love those."
What to do about “one more bite”
When a child says, "I'm finished" or "I don't want any more," you can ask them about their body sensations like, "Is your tummy full?" You can also explain the timing of the situation: "This is dinner and we won't have any more snacks after this. Are you sure you have eaten all you want?" If they're full, they're full.
“I don’t push ‘one more bite’ most of the time...”
I don't push "one more bite" most of the time, but sometimes… I will encourage that five-year-old to eat because I know she’s distracted. You have to know your kids, and keep in mind what they’ve already eaten. Snacks close to mealtimes usually means less food will be eaten at mealtimes.
Let kids fix their plate
I get it, as a parent, many times you just want to get them fed and on to the next agenda item and making their plates sure can streamline that process. But how will they learn how much is enough if they don’t get to experience it themselves? Letting even young children decide how much goes on their plates (you can scoop if necessary) involves them in the process, which gives them a sense of agency, and allows them to learn what a proper portion for them looks like.
Speaking of making plates
“When it comes to new foods, a spoonful is plenty. ”
When it comes to new foods, a spoonful is plenty. The goal is to encourage your kid to taste it, not to fill up on it. In fact, a crowded plate is often intimidating to young children. So whether introducing a new food or not, try to keep from piling food up. That way kids can easily identify what they are eating, and the amounts on the plate seem reasonable to them. Let them know that if they want more, they can always ask. This is a great tip for helping them learn how to acknowledge their hunger and fullness cues as well.
Teaching nutrition at the table
Slip a little nutrition in there but don't preach. "We have vegetables with almost every meal because they help you grow big and strong, and they help keep us healthy. What vegetables should we eat this week?"
More ways to discuss meals with selective eaters:
Praise what you like when you see it: "I like how you handled that knife to cut your zucchini. Well done."
Observe when they finish something: "You ate all of your broccoli. Would you like more?"
Offer or solicit suggestions when they are picking: "Do you think you'd like a dip for those carrots? What kind do you think would taste the best?"
The most important advice for parents
My biggest advice to parents is to relax. If your kid is eating, you are already winning. Do they have to eat it all? No. Do they have to love every bite? No.
Do they need to feel safe, respected and included? Yes. Do they need a range of nutrients offered daily? Yes. Will they be ok if all they eat is broccoli and blueberries for a week? Yes.
Relax. Pace yourself. And give kids time to grow.
-Chef Asata Reid
Chef Asata Reid is our Chef Educator and has over 20 years of experience in food and education. She holds degrees from International Culinary School at the Art Institute of Atlanta, Florida A&M University’s School of Journalism, a Masters in Education from the University of Kansas, and Masters of Public Health from Emory University. She also just wrote a must-read book: How to Feed A Kid.
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